Posts

Header image

How Debt Can Impact Your Relationship

/in , , , , /by

Over half of Saskatchewan people say that they would have no issue pursuing a relationship with someone if they had a high level of debt. Debt may be low on your list of deal breakers, but it can severely impact the health of your relationship if it isn’t talked about or there isn’t a plan in place to pay it off. This blog recounts how debt struggles negatively impacted the author’s relationship with their partner and the small but impactful steps they took to fix it.

Let’s talk about debt baby

How much debt would be too much to prevent you from exploring a relationship with someone? According to 52% of Saskatchewanians, no amount of debt would stop them from dating or marrying a partner.

Though debt may not impact you from choosing a partner, it could have an impact on your relationship. According to Canadian divorce statistics, Canada’s divorce rate has increased by 44.15% over the last 20 years, and it’s estimated one out of every 309 adults are divorced in Canada. As to the reason for the divorce – many say money!

While you may not chat about money on your first date, finances should be a topic that is talked about as your relationship becomes more serious. From the assets you possess to the amount of debt you have, it’s important to be open and honest with your significant other to ensure both parties know what they may be getting into. It’s important to continually have this conversation with your partner in order to reduce any stress or tension that may negatively impact your relationship.

This advice is something I wish I knew and started talking about sooner. This is my experience.

How it started

I met my husband when I was 15, and though we didn’t start dating until a few years later, money was not even a topic of mind. I mean, is it for anyone at that age?

Skip forward 21 years to where we are today and money is something we talk about regularly. However, this wasn’t always the case, and up until about 5 years ago, money was not part of our conversation. Looking back, I realize how not talking about money with one another was putting a lot of stress on us and taking a heavy toll on our relationship.

Five years ago, we were in debt and struggling to get a hold of our finances. We each had our own bank accounts, individual vehicle payments, different credit cards and line of credits – everything was separate. Because of this, we didn’t have a full grasp on our finances as a whole. We continually tried to pay our debt down, but no matter what we did it seemed to continually go up. There was tension. There were fights. Our relationship was rocky. We knew we needed to do something before our debt and our relationship got worse.

With our mortgage up for renewal, we decided it’s now or never to make a change. We sat down with our financial advisor and looked at what options we had.

Consolidating our debt

After talking with our financial advisor, we decided to consolidate our debt. What this means is that you take all of the debt you have – loans, credit cards, vehicle payments, mortgage, etc. – and roll it into one monthly payment. Consolidating your debt doesn’t make it go away, however, it can help you gain control of your finances a bit easier.

Now that we had all of our debt in one spot, we needed to be able to manage all of our money from one channel, so we decided to join our bank accounts and have a joint credit card. While joint accounts may not be for everyone, it was the best option for us and showed us how each of us was spending individually. This wasn’t something we hid from one another when we had individual accounts but it also wasn’t something we talked about. With time, we started to get a grasp on our spending habits and were able to hold each other more accountable.

Tip: The one downside with having a joint account is that each of you can see all the transactions in the account and it can ruin the surprise if you buy a gift for your loved one. We recommend using cash for any gifts in order to keep the element of surprise.

To see change, you must make change

We had gotten ourselves into debt before because of our spending habits and behaviours, and if we didn’t change, we’d most likely wind up in a similar situation. To see difference, we needed to change how we talked about money and how we spent money.

The first order of business was introducing the word “money” into our conversations. It was UNCOMFORTABLE, to say the least, and didn’t begin well. We started with financial goals and quickly realized we were on two separate pages: one of us wanted to save for trips and a new vehicle and the other wanted to think retirement. It was frustrating and we wanted to give up immediately.

Once we figured out our financial goals, we started to create a plan on how to change our spending habits. This included building a budget and actively tracking our transactions each month.

Creating the budget was the easy part. The challenging part was changing our behaviours and the first few months were tough. Over time it got easier and after making some significant changes in our spending behaviours, openly talking about our money, and ensuring each other knew where we were at in our budget, we started to see some positive changes. This included starting to actively put money into our savings and seeing it grow – something we hadn’t really done until this point.

Tip: Build your budget together and be realistic. The first few months will be tough, but if you do it together, you’re able to support one another and hold each other accountable where needed. This allows you to celebrate and succeed together.

How it’s going

It’s unbelievable how much of a positive impact a few simple conversations about money and behaviour changes have had on our household.

We continue to set a monthly budget and compare our spending to these amounts which keeps us on track to reach the goals we set. Though we still have our consolidated debt, in five years we have not gotten ourselves into any new debt and are even actively working to pay our mortgage and debt down faster!

What used to cause us stress and a lot of tension has turned into an ongoing positive conversation and even celebrations when we hit our goals. Where we were previously embarrassed to talk about our situation with friends and family, we now openly talk money and do so together (my husband’s even sitting beside me now and helping me write this blog as we speak). And the best part of all, our relationship has never been better.

Looking back, we wish we would have started the conversation a lot earlier. All we can do is share our story to help others learn from it. Money is something that needs to be talked about. No matter how uncomfortable or awkward it may be, it’s important to talk about your financial goals and spending habits– trust me, you’ll thank yourself and your relationship for it later.

How COVID-19 Affected My Wedding Day

/0 Comments/in , , , , /by

Uncertainty, frustration, sadness – not the things I was expecting to feel in the months leading up to my wedding and not something that was stopping me from becoming Bridezilla. Unfortunately, COVID-19 took the decision out of my hands and I was forced to let go of the wedding vision I had dreamed of since I was a little girl. Read on to find out how I managed my stress levels, changed plans (sometimes on the fly), managed the fluctuating budget and ended up having an amazing wedding day during COVID-19. 

You know what they say about the best laid plans…

I got engaged at the end August 2019 and to say I was excited to plan the wedding is an understatement. Not only do I love to plan things, but like most women, I’d been thinking about my wedding day for years and had more than one Pinterest board all queued up and ready to go. My new fiancé asked me to marry him and then promptly left for three weeks to work up in northern Saskatchewan – great timing, I know. Fortunately, this gave me the perfect opportunity to plan the whole wedding. I created our wedding website, booked the majority of our vendors, chose a date (I did consult with him on this part), booked a venue, lined up my bridesmaids, started dress shopping and let the people know who were traveling when they needed to be here. We were going to be married in Regina at the Wascana Country Club on June 13, 2020. In the next few months, I ordered my dress, chose the bridesmaid dresses and got all of the invitations sent out. Things were cruising along really well. I was buying everything in advance so that we were ready and so we could sit back and not have much stress in the months leading up to our wedding day. Queue the global crisis…

Who needs pre-marital counseling when you have a pandemic

When we first heard about the coronavirus, I initially thought it wouldn’t affect us or our special day. Then the borders closed, the cases started to rise, and we were both home – 100% of the time. During those few months, we were able to work through and talk about a lot of things. To say the stress levels were high would be an understatement, but we really focused on making decisions together and keeping open lines of communication. Except for the part where I unanimously made the decision to push our wedding reception a year, including all of our vendors, and then told him after the fact.

“Sorry honey”.

Vendors, deposits and budgets, oh my!

I was very fortunate that we didn’t lose any money when we chose to change our wedding plans and we were able to simply shift everything by one year. This meant that all of that planning I had done wasn’t going to go to waste. I did hear about a lot of people that made the decision to cancel their wedding and lost money and I feel for them. It’s always a great idea to create a wedding budget and stick to it because weddings are expensive and it’s easy to go into serious debt in the planning and spending, especially when you go to wedding expos and see what others are doing. But one thing you can’t budget or plan for is when you end up losing your deposits and that can make a stressful time much worse. I’m not going to go into the debate of signed contracts, non-refundable deposits and whether or not a pandemic that is out of your control is grounds for a deposit return, however, I will say that every single one of my vendors was very easy to work with and they, and their businesses, were feeling the financial burdens and uncertainty we all were.

If you are currently in the position of deciding whether to postpone and are afraid to have the conversation with your vendors – I highly recommend just ripping off the band-aid. Although we are all feeling the financial burden of the global pandemic, these businesses survive on positive word-of-mouth and referrals and many will deliver on good customer service in order to win your endorsement. They will understand and the sooner you let them know – the more flexible they can be.

So what did we do?

Well, I am now a Mrs., and our wedding picture is at the top of this blog, so we did get married June 13. We chose to get married at my parents’ lake house with those of our bridal party that could attend and my parents’ best friends (limited numbers made it easy to cut down the guest list). The biggest thing we learned is that missing out on many of the material things did not make the day any less memorable or perfect. Although we had to shift our initial vision of what the day was going to look like. at the end of the day I was able to get married to a wonderful man surrounded by love and even those far away were able to be part of it via live steam – and that, I wouldn’t change for anything. We are going to have a reception next June (fingers crossed) and we will be able to celebrate with everyone at that time.

Tips for getting married during COVID-19 (or any pandemic)

  1. Breathe – you can do this. It may feel like it, but it’s not the end of the world (hopefully). Plans will change and you will have to be agile and flexible, but I believe in you.
  2. Lean on others – there are lots of others going through the same things and you can get lots of tips from them. Talk to your family and your future spouse, they want to be there for you and help you through this.
  3. Take time to pause and process what you’ve lost – at the end of the day, it’s sad when your sister and best friend literally cannot come to your wedding because it means traveling or your grandma can’t attend because it’s too dangerous. It’s important to take a minute to just say “this sucks”, maybe yell or throw things or go find a batting cage or hit some golf balls. Whatever it is, let yourself feel the loss.
  4. Don’t dwell on what can’t be – you will drive yourself crazy focusing on all the things you can’t have and your wedding will be overshadowed by sadness rather than being a celebration of love and happiness.
  5. Decide what you need and what you can do without – whether you are going ahead with a paired down version of your wedding or moving it to next year, decide what things you can’t do without and what you can. The same goes for guests.
  6. Look for ways to include those who can’t be there – for us, it was live streaming the wedding, calling people after the ceremony and FaceTiming my sister from Australia for the entire dinner and speeches. Best part, all of that was free.
  7. Stick to your budget – there is a good chance you may lose some deposits if you decide not to postpone or reschedule and that will have a huge impact on your budget. If you decide, like us, to have a wedding now and a reception in the future, you need to decide if your wedding budget will remain the same or if you are going to create a different one for each event and that may mean more money is going to be spent. Either way, make your budget and stick to it.
  8. Talk to your vendors – regardless if you are postponing or going ahead, keep in contact with your vendors. They are probably wondering, just like you, what’s going on. Be patient with them as well – they didn’t plan for COVID-19 either and are going to be a lot more willing to work with you to find a solution if you don’t go bridezilla on them.
  9. Make it a memorable day – no matter what, it’s still your wedding day and you need to make it about you and your future spouse. Find ways to keep the day about you and not the pandemic and what you’ve lost.
  10. Don’t let people call you a COVID bride – COVID-19 may have forced you to change your plans, but it’s not what should define your wedding. Unless that is your theme, then you do you.
Man and woman sitting on couch talking about finances

Honey, can we talk finances?

/0 Comments/in , , /by

Does just the topic of finances with your significant other cause great stress in your lives?  In this blog, we will identify possible causes and how to turn “Honey, can we talk finances” from a negative to a positive.

What discussion topics are avoided in your household – politics, sex, in-laws… money??   I hear ya.  Do your money talks turn into the “Blame Game” or worse yet, don’t happen at all? Why is one of the most important things that impact our entire lives constantly being avoided?

We hear how money has been the leading cause of divorce/breakups for years but we still don’t talk about our finances as often as we should.  My co-workers laughed when I told them I wanted to name my blog “Just shut up and do it yourself” but sometimes that is exactly how we feel.   Am I right?

What’s the underlying issue?

  • Communication – Can you have an honest discussion about your financial situation without shaming, blaming or walking away? Struggling to manage one’s finances is common — but talking honestly and openly about it is not.  Do you only talk about finances when a disaster strikes?
  • Fear – Are you financial literacy savvy? What is your level of understanding? Nobody wants to look stupid or admit they don’t know.  Let’s face it, if your parents didn’t teach you and you didn’t learn it in school, how can you be expected to make informed decisions.
  • Upbringing – My parents never talked in front of us kids or taught us about finances. We had food, clothing, a roof over our heads – we never questioned how it got there. It just magically appeared. No worries. Depending on how the subject was approached or avoided in your household may impact your spending and saving habits.
  • Financial habits – Are you and your significant other financially compatible? Are you savers, spenders, or a combination? Two spenders without a plan – a harmonious relationship tend not to be had – unless you are a multi-millionaire at birth.  On the other hand, two savers might miss out on experiencing life.
  • Goals – Are you in it together? Do you have the same goals – homeowner, kids, early retirement? Do you share all the responsibilities and decisions or do you divide and conquer?

How can we fix this? 

  1. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate!
  • Commit to a time with no interruptions to discuss life goals – short and long term. What do you truly want out of life?  What is your current situation?  What is in the past is in the past; deal with the here and now.   Keep calm at all costs.  Experts suggest you do so on your 3rd date as this conversation is just as important as the marriage and children talk.
  1. Plan. Plan. Plan!
  • Schedule a monthly review of your short term finances:
    • Are all the bills paid and needs met – food, shelter, clothing?
    • Do you have any upcoming expenses – car repairs, insurance, taxes, dentist, renos?
    • Make a budget: don’t make it too restricted or you won’t stick to it. Factor in some fun and “nice to have’s” and an emergency fund for life’s uh oh’s.
  • Schedule a yearly review to look at the bigger picture, long term goals – buying a house, having kids/having more kids, investments, retirement. Definitely review sooner if you experience a life-changing situation.
  • Schedule a financial health checkup with a professional financial advisor at your financial institution. They will be able to ensure you are on track to meeting your goals and can also be useful mediators if need be.
  1. Educate. Educate. Educate!
  • Knowledge is money. We don’t deal with things when we don’t know anything about them or we make bad decisions. Pick a financial product and research it, attend workshops, watch YouTube, read more of our blogs or visit our website.  There is lots of great info and tools at your fingertips.
  1. Teach. Teach. Teach!
  • Talk to your children about finances, don’t exclude them.  You don’t have to divulge everything but your decisions do impact them. Teach them the basics and help arm the next generation with the tools they need to be financially successful.  Who knows you might be in their care in the future.  Make sure it is a nice place.

At the end of the day, talking to your spouse or significant other about your finances is important early on and continually throughout your relationship.  Don’t forget!!

Haven’t had a #moneytalk in a while!  What are you waiting for?  Schedule your talk now!!

What advice do you have to make the #moneytalk easier?  Share with us by commenting below.  We would love to hear them.

table with several wrapped wedding gifts

Unique wedding gift ideas

/0 Comments/in , /by

Trying to find the best wedding gift can sometimes be stressful. It shouldn’t be about how much you spend but instead the thought you put into the gift. Here are a few unique wedding gift ideas, perfect for showing your love for the newlyweds, that won’t break the bank.

Wedding season is here! As the invites start coming in, we often start to see dollar signs rather than wedding bells. When we think of a wedding gift, our automatic go-to is cash but then start to question what is too much, or what is too little?

Instead of stressing out on how much cash to give, consider giving a wedding gift unique to the couple – one that truly shows how much you care about them and doesn’t break the bank! Below are a few unique wedding gift ideas to get you started.

Basket gift ideas

  • First wine basket – Wine lovers? Put a package together to help celebrate “A Year of Couple Firsts”. Include a bottle of wine or champagne for every occasion and create printable tags. Ideas for “firsts” can be: First Home, First Baby (non-alcoholic bubbly), First Fight, First Trip, First Christmas, First Anniversary, etc.
  • Dessert basket – Create the perfect ending to date night with a dessert basket, which also provides the new couple with some household staple items. Use a large mixing bowl as the basket and include items such as brownie mix, spatulas, measuring spoons and cups, his & her aprons and a cute pair of oven mitts. If your budget allows, consider adding a bottle of dessert wine or port
  • Romantic night basket – Give the gift of a ‘spa-day-in’ by creating a spa basket. Purchase two inexpensive robes and take to a local seamstress to get monogrammed with the bride and groom initials. Package together and include foaming bath soap, bath salts and a brush and some lotions and oils for a romantic tub night for the newlyweds.

On a budget

  • Group gift – Will a large group of friends be attending the wedding? Consider doing a group gift and all chip in for a bigger ticket item on the registry. A big gift will make a high impact and depending on the number of people you can rally together you might be able to bring the budget down.
  • Cleaning service – Alleviate some wedding stress by gifting a cleaning service for a practical gift that the new couple will love. Often you can find a deal on Groupon for maid services.
  • Tickets – Music or lovers of the arts? Or perhaps sports fans? Find some less expensive tickets on Stubhub and gift them the perfect date night!
  • Meal service – Take the stress out of having to cook during the week with a taste of meal delivery service. Hello Fresh offers gift cards for 3 meals for 2 people under $80! This provides a basic necessity while giving the couple something fun to do together.

Forever memories

  • Framed night sky – Capture the night sky of their wedding night in a framed picture frame. Take your own picture or use a site such as The Night Sky who will create a custom star map for you. All you need to then worry about is finding the perfect frame.
  • Capture the honeymoon – Is the couple going on a destination honeymoon? Help the couple capture their first few days on their honeymoon by giving a gift card for a vacation photographer, such as Flytographer.
  • Mini-getaway – Give a gift of adventure with a gift card to Airbnb. The couple can choose a destination and put the money towards a night stay in a destination of their choosing for a mini vacation after they’re married.

Remember, weddings are about celebrating the commitment of two people. You shouldn’t stress about gift giving. As the saying goes, it’s not the gift but the thought that counts. Giving a thoughtful gift that the couple will enjoy is sometimes better than spending a lot of money. Just like we invest our money we should also invest in relationships as that is what’s really important!

married couple looking into the sunset at Saskatchewan legislature buildingCourtney Rink

#MONEYTALKs to have before marriage

/0 Comments/in , /by

Money is an important conversation to have in any relationship. Our Conexus experts share their advice on important #MONEYTALKs to have with your partner.

Wedding season is upon us and love is in the air. Have you had the #MONEYTALK with your significant other yet? Money can cause stress in a relationship and having discussions about money with your partner can help ensure you’re on the same page, and not become a bigger issue down the road.

So what type of #MONEYTALKs should you have with your partner? We asked our Conexus experts to give us their best marriage financial advice – here’s what they had to say:

“These conversations can be complex and sometimes uncomfortable to have. Everyone’s situation is unique. I would advise having many smaller conversations around priorities, resources and goals to find common ground.” ~Jason A.

 

“What are your goals and dreams and what does success look like for you? For some people, it’s all about saving, while for others, they want to focus on enjoying life. Making sure you’re on the same page about saving vs. spending is absolutely key.” ~Nicole H.

 

“It’s important to agree on a process for discussing finances and building that as a regular part of the relationship. Over time, life happens, goals change, etc. and having money chats as a regular discussion in your relationship is a great way to ensure that money doesn’t become something that pulls you apart over time, but rather, something that can help bind the family together.” ~Eric D.

 

“Have a discussion around personal feelings related to debt (i.e. what the couple is willing to go into debt for vs. what they’re not.) If one person is okay with debt and the other is not, it can cause strain. Communication and ensuring you find someone that shares your financial values helps to support a strong relationship.” ~Kim M.

 

“Discussions about money seem to be awkward for many. Early on, establish a mutual agreement to keep no secrets. Be upfront and honest with each other about your individual financial health and set goals together. And let’s not forget that this usually means compromise by all parties!” ~ Susan S.

 

“Include your financial experts early on in the conversation to help alleviate fears and concerns and help come up with the right plan and approach for you and your partner!” ~Kyle D.

 

“Have a good degree of financial knowledge. When both people have a good understanding of the topic, the conversations will be stronger and one person won’t be making all of the decisions while the other merely accepts what is happening.” ~ Marcie A.

 

“Share the responsibility of paying bills, budgeting, savings, etc., if you decide to have only joint accounts. It’s important that each partner have this knowledge and share the responsibility so that if something were to happen to the other person, they’d be able to continue these financial tasks.”~Kyla F.

 

“Understand how your ‘love language’ relates to finances. If one person’s language is gifts and the other prefers quality time, this could play into budgeting and lifestyle goals. Be sure to have conversations around as many aspects of finances as possible to ensure you understand each other’s feelings towards money and are on the same page.”~Lisa C.

Money is one of the biggest causes of issues, arguments and stress in a relationship. It may not always be easy to talk about, but starting early and discussing frequently can reduce stress and make these difficult conversations easier to have. It can also help prevent bigger issues from happening further down the road.

Do you have advice for other financial #MONEYTALKs couples should have before getting married? Comment below!